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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675985">maze in the mirror</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Lowercase, Pre-Debut TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT, Sad Choi Beomgyu, i swear idk how to tag, im like sad, maze in the mirror has been hitting different, this was mostly me projecting onto beomgyu but i changed it to fit uhh canon? idk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:29:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>this is pretty much ass but maze in the mirror has been hitting different and im sad</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>maze in the mirror</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is pretty much ass but maze in the mirror has been hitting different and im sad</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>the water is freezing cold when beomgyu turns on the shower spray, and he just barely contains the yelp that threatens to come tumbling out of his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he’s usually not one for cold showers - he’s always been perpetually sensitive to the cold, a fierce shiver climbing up his spine from just a small bite of a piece of cold fruit - but beomgyu finds himself seeking for something that’ll make him... feel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>beomgyu is desperate to make a debut just like any other trainee, desperate to </span>
  <em>
    <span>prove</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he’s worthy of even debuting. he shows as much by always putting in double the effort during practices, often staying more than what’s required in the practice rooms to practice, and practice, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>practice</span>
  </em>
  <span>, until </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> he nails a certain move, or nails a certain note.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>but his need for perfection always overpowers the moments where he feels satisfied with his performance. his overthinking head nitpicks at all of the moves he’s gotten wrong in his dance practices, the slightest way his voice may have cracked during one of his vocal practices, or just the way that he could’ve done better in the monthly evaluations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he unleashes all of his uncertainties in lyric writing and comes up with soothing melodies on his guitar, but even then does he still need a reprieve from his heavy thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>so a cold shower it is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>while temporary, the biting cold is something his mind can focus on instead of losing himself to the growing fear that he’s not enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he lets his legs give out from under him, leaving him a crumpled mess under the rain of freezing water. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>but even this, too, gradually turns numb - the shower, that is - and beomgyu wonders faintly how long he’ll be able to use a cold shower as a way to “wake up” before he’ll stop reacting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the motions feel mechanical as he rubs his skin clean with a bar of soap, and he feels himself slowly falling into a daze, the one that he can only describe as him being a limp puppet with an unknown puppeteer pulling at his strings to keep him in motion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>beomgyu stands up on wobbly legs, wiping away any remaining soap suds, and turns off the shower. he climbs out of the bathtub, and reaches for the towel on the rack adjacent to the tub to dry himself off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he soon finds himself falling on his bed, clad in only a large hoodie and loose underwear on top of his bed sheets. his limbs are strewn messily on the bed before he curls into himself in a fetal position. his head feels fuzzy, and he only barely registers that he’s crying before he’s drifting off. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(he dreams of debuting, the sound of the crowed cheering in support so vivid that it feels like his ears are ringing when he wakes up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>that same day, beomgyu is called in with four other boys, and they’re told that they’ll be debuting in 2019.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he promptly breaks down in tears.)</span>
</p>
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